The Longest Crossing

I did not realize how quiet the sea can be when it is windless. The moment you stop, when the paddle is no longer disturbing the water, the silence squeezes you from all sides. Surprisingly silence has a high pitch kind of ringing tone. It even has a weight that presses down on you. The thai word for silence is niap, which at the end of its consonant, starts where silence can.

During the long crossings, what you can only do is to grind down time. The incense of time burns for 8-9 hours. Every hour, every minute, every second... you grind it down by singing or you count the number of strokes you put in. 100 strokes gain you about 100 meters on the sea. 1,000 strokes just about gain you a kilometer. If the current is good.

If you sing, some songs you sing you can stretch them, from 3 minutes to 5 minutes for 500 meters. Or you can do an extended solo of the song to make it 10 minutes and you gain a kilometer. It does not matter what lyrics you sing, it is the rhythm you want. The fleeting rhythm makes your kayak seems lighter.

There is no use looking at your watch. In fact it is best not to look often at the watch. You will be pretty disappointed and perhaps de-motivated when you realize your sense of time and the fatigue you feel do not match up. 

When there is no scenery, no boats, no wind, no bird, what else can you look at? Sometimes you lie all the way back, face up, and look at the clouds. It gives a sense of blue serenity amid the heat.

If it is daylight, you can make out the faint outline of the island that you are supposed to reach in 7-8 hours. That is where I am going? That's hope? You want the island to get bigger; see it more clearly. But it does not get bigger until you get very close.

When the crossing is long, often you have to paddle into the night.

If it is night, there are plenty of lights and you let the lights of the island draw you in. At night you become more aware of your perception. The kayak seems to move faster, the light seems to be nearer, your breathing seems louder, your rashguard seems to stick closer to your skin... 

Every hour there is a need to stop to drink, eat, pee... and it is important to laugh out - just to release the tension and strain. Make a sound, say something in the radio, hear a human voice, just so to know that you are not alone. 

A 40km crossing is about the edge of what a kayak team can safely do. At this edge, tempers will flare and demons can emerge. More often than not, a long crossing strips away the persona and brings out the human in each of us. 

It's wonderful to know, 40km later, that we are all the same.

A long crossing is hard. But as long as you believe, a long crossing can be done with a wing and prayer.

I still believe I hear

hidden beneath the palm trees

your voice tender and deep

like the song of a dove

oh night enchantress

divine rapture

delightful thought

divine intoxication, sweet dream

in the clear starlight

I still believe I see

in between the long sails

of the warm night breeze

oh night...etc.

                             ~ Bizet